Grief never really goes away. It just becomes more bearable over time. But, the grief isn't what has made it so rough. It's anger. Anger because I no longer have my mate beside me at night. Anger because those children he loved couldn't recognize that love. Anger because I see reminders of him at every turn, spend holidays without him, and know he's not coming home.
The last few days, though, have given me some much needed insight - and made me a little lighter in spirit.
I saw a Dragonfly.
I mentioned that the last couple years have been rough - I lost my husband to Pancreatic Cancer, and my big brother a few short months later. Now, my nephew is fighting leukemia.
But, today, I saw a Dragonfly.
Even though I've known I need to let go of the anger I've been holding on to, today I finally realized that I could. Letting go of it is for me - no one else. It's the only way I can move forward - the only way I can begin again - the only way I can continue to grieve without it consuming me at every turn. The grief will always be there - just easier to live with.
I've been putting off keeping this blog updated, because even though I sit down to write, it seems to get garbled when translated from what's in my head to my fingertips on the keys. I am most definitely not a professional writer - all those instructional training processes I wrote at the college don't count. It's a whole, different ballgame. But, I get an idea, and what I want to say just doesn't come out right, so I put if off for another day, and another week, and another month.....
But, today, I saw a Dragonfly.
It may not mean much to many, but for me it's a positive sign - that good changes are on the way. If you look at my profile, you'll see that I've been fascinated by those beautiful creatures for many years - as long as I can remember.
And, today I saw one.
I have no pictures with this post - I have none that would do it justice. Simply seeing it, and knowing they've returned will have to be enough.
This is the best I can do with this post today. You have my thanks for sticking around.
Be well, love to all.
